just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
