i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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