Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
