Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
