Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
