I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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