yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
