Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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