4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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