My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
