were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
