just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
