i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
