I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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