STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
