threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
