So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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