he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
