VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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