My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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