somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
