I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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