Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
