Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
