after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
