Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
