i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
