You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
