He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
