I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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