I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
