Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
