oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
