sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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