remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
