i would punch a child for taco bell
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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