my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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