nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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