I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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