So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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