So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
