Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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