Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
