you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
