I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
