how can u be prego again
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
