Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
