Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
