Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
