ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your cock deserves a montage
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
