My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
