i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
