Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
