I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
