If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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